From suburban housewife to porn star at 52: the emancipation of Morgana

Suffering from depression at the end of an unhappy marriage, Morgana Muses found a new lease on life by making body-positive, anti-ageist BDSM films

A turquoise-haired woman takes the stage at Berlins Porn Film Festival in stiletto boots and an evening dress split high up the thigh. The snigger from a couple in the audience is barely audible, but then, the woman is attuned to it. She stiffens for a second, and takes the microphone. You can laugh if you like, she says, but darling, I was a young, gorgeous creature once and youre going to be my age one day.

Applause.

At 52, Morgana Muses is a regular at adult festivals, but with her body-positive, anti-ageist BDSM films, shes not your regular adult star. In Having My Cake, she devours sweet treats off the body of cross-dressing performance artist Bishop Black. In Its My Birthday And Ill Fly If I Want To, shes trussed up into a scarlet web by Sydney rope artist Garth Knight. At the more extreme end, theres Breathtaking, in which she is choked by a female partner and submerged under bathwater.

While sadomasochism can seem like an aggressive concept, Muses insists the BDSM community revolves around care, trust and inclusivity, which were all elements that had been missing from her previous life. Each session of play is a micro-moment of deep connection, Muses says. I just fall into this magical space and disappear. Someone asked me recently, have I found my boundaries? I said no, Im still searching.

Her films often have an off-kilter humour, so its not surprising to hear that Muses is the instigator of red carpet hijinks. At New Yorks CineKink, she persuaded pornographic actress Stoya and other stars to assume positions in a cheerleader stack or a porn pyramid, as she puts it for the assembled photographers.

Typical Australian twat, she snorts self-deprecatingly now.

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Before she was Morgana Muses, the porn performer was a conventional housewife. Photograph: Morgana documentary team

If the interest in Muses starts with a snigger, perhaps its because seeing a middle-aged woman naked on screen is such an alien experience. The mainstream industry caricatures women of a certain age, Muses says, complaining of the video tags such as Milf, Gilf and Granny on sites such as PornHub. And those Milfs are usually in their late 20s. People see my work as pioneering because they dont want their own sexuality to have an expiration date.

Despite her confidence on film, Muses confesses to naivety and nerves. When we meet in a Melbourne food court, she is flanked protectively by the two women making a documentary, Morgana, about her life. One of them is Josie Hess, her partner in production company Permission4pleasure. Isabel Peppard, who recently made the acclaimed animation Butterflies, had been recruited to direct Its My Birthday, but quickly saw the value in the real-life story of a stifled housewife turned pornographer. I left our first meeting with a tingling feeling of destiny, Peppard says.

Muses had been trapped in an unhappy marriage, suffering depression and psychotic breaks after both her pregnancies, and dealing with being a mother while having a mental illness that no one will acknowledge. Upon getting divorced, she realised society expected her to discreetly fade to black.

During the filming of Morgana, the trio travelled to Muses former hometown of Albury, where, as Hess observes, the clouds had descended and there were crows on all the wires. Muses took them to a bleak stretch of highway in which she would drive at crazy speeds in the middle of the night, listening to Tom Joness Sometimes We Cry. To the two younger women, well-versed in horror movies, suburban living was existentially chilling.

Theres a creepy gothic thing going on where youre raised for your role of Stepford Wives mother in a patriarchal society, almost on an assembly line, Peppard says. Being a model-maker, Peppard set to work representing this in the documentary by creating the faade of a dolls house in which to imprison her star, as well as miniature sets of suburbs, to be torched. Theres a big character trajectory: ego death and loss of identity; being cast out of your community and almost stateless; then rising, phoenix-like. Theres almost a mythology to it.

Muses life pivoted when she decided she would hire a male escort for a last hurrah before ending it all. Lengthy research unearthed John, a 39-year-old university graduate, articulate, with refined good looks. We talked for months, then I booked him for my 47th birthday. Im not a picking-up-in-a-bar type person, she says. Its not in my nature. I need to get to know people before I can allow myself to let go.

She booked a suite at Sydneys Shangri La, and planned an evening of fine dining followed by a performance of Richard III, starring Kevin Spacey. It was beautiful. And the sex was great, too dont get me wrong.

A friendship with John developed, and through their conversations, Muses started to consider her unrealised desires. She booked him for company at events such as the Xplore Festival (now called The Sydney Festival of Really Good Sex), and sampled the workshops on offer. Having found her people, she became further absorbed into the kink community, flying to Berlin to attend gatherings.

The next step, she decided, was to make a film. But it was just for myself, a bit like getting your own personal sexy photos taken. After reading about a competition hosted by German feminist filmmaker Petra Joy, on the topic of female fantasy, Muses recruited John and his partner to help as a co-star and camera operator respectively. I fantasised about the things I wanted to do on my first date with him, she says, things that Id always been curious about.

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Morgana Muses: In the middle of the night Ill have these twitches of shame and self-doubt … The important thing is it no longer imprisons me. Photograph: Supplied: Morgana documentary team

The result was Duty Bound, a short film about a 47-year-old woman regaining her self-worth through sex. I thought, no ones going to see it, Muses laughs, but then the film won the Petra Joy award for first-time filmmakers, and Joy encouraged Muses to keep going. A few collaborations with respected adult director Anna Brownfield followed, with barely time to consider the consequences. Yet the more Muses became immersed in kink, the more supported she felt.

Muses teenage children know about their mothers new career, but the family and older friends of Muses will not make an appearance in the documentary. Peppard says: For once, we wanted to grant the woman her perspective. But Muses admits she still struggles with shame: There are times when I think: fuck society, Im going to do my thing. Then in the middle of the night Ill have these twitches of shame and self-doubt. I think that keeps me grounded. The important thing is it no longer imprisons me.

Now that shes promoting a Kickstarter campaign to fund the post-production of Morgana (with producer Karina Astrup on board), Muses is facing her fears, wondering how people will react to what Peppard jokingly calls the Shirley Valentine for the new millennium. Peppard and Hess reassure her that people will engage with the theme of rebirth. A lot of women will see themselves in you, Peppard tells her. And men, too, who fear that their time has come and gone.

The launch party for the Kickstarter campaign was certainly celebratory, with wrestlers dressed as mother-daughter tag teams: Little Edie and Big Edie from Grey Gardens taking on Carrie White and her religious fanatic mother Margaret from Brian de Palmas Carrie. Faces from the adult and burlesque communities turned up in support or took their turns on stage.

Despite the judgment her lifestyle will receive, Muses hopes the documentary may be a lifeline to men and women who feel starved of intimacy. I see myself as an ordinary woman who has had extraordinary experiences.

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The Keepers: ‘I’ve dealt with survivors and they’re sickened by the church’s response’

Ryan Whites Netflix documentary set out to investigate the murder of a nun in Baltimore and unearthed 25 years of child abuse and collusion

On the day The Keepers was released on Netflix, the archdiocese of Baltimore tweeted that although it did not deny allegations of child abuse against Father Joseph Maskell, a priest who worked in the city for decades, the premise and conclusion of Ryan Whites documentary series were wrong. The account @archbalt included, bizarrely, a clipart picture of a checklist, and a hashtag, #TheKeepersUntold. It has continued to use this hashtag, along with another, #TheKeepersTruth, since the series came out.

Its easy to see why this astonishingly powerful seven-parter has led to what White, over the phone from his home in Los Angeles, calls a church in defensive attack mode. The Keepers initially begins as a Making a Murderer or The Jinx-style true-crime whodunnit, promising an investigation into the unsolved 1969 murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik, a Baltimore nun and teacher. But it quickly reveals itself to be much bigger, and more far-reaching, than that, exposing decades of child abuse within institutions across Baltimore, from the church to the police force, and distressingly, the extent to which they colluded in silencing the victims and covering up such horrific crimes. As youve seen now, on paper especially, its a pretty unbelievable story. Its captivating, for sure, White says.

Watch the trailer for The Keepers.

Whites previous work includes Serena and The Case Against 8. He came to the story through a personal connection: both his aunt and mother went to Archbishop Keough high school, where Maskell and Cesnik taught and where much of the abuse documented in the film was alleged to have taken place. Whites aunt was a student of Cesniks and he says that there had always been local interest in the Sister Cathy story. In particular, he and his family had been intrigued by the identity of Jane Doe, an anonymous former Keogh student whose allegations of abuse against Maskell resulted in a 1994 court case, in which she sued Maskell and the archdiocese of Baltimore for covering up the abuse. Doe claimed that Cesnik had discovered what was going on in the school, and that Maskell had taken her to Cesniks dead body as a warning against speaking out. The case was dismissed.

People like my aunt and my mom had always wondered, White explains. In 2014, Tom Nugent, an investigative journalist who appears in the series, published a blog in which Jane Doe revealed her identity. She was Jean Wehner, a classmate of Whites aunt. Thats when they found out their friend was Jane Doe. His mother said Wehner had a story to tell and, curiosity piqued, White flew from Los Angeles to Baltimore and spent five hours at her house. On the way back, my producer and I both agreed right away that if she wanted to do something, we wanted to be her partners in it. I felt like she was a person who was incredibly honest and raw, and once Im drawn to a person like that, thats when I know its the starting point of a documentary.

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Not-so-silent witness … Jean Wehner, AKA Jane Doe. Photograph: Netflix

During the course of the series, we hear that Wehner only began to remember the abuse that had taken place many years later, and this notion of repressed memory memories that have been blocked out by trauma, only to later re-emerge was given as the reason for the 1994 lawsuit being dismissed. White acknowledges that it was initially a foreign concept to him. I wondered if you could really witness and experience something that gruesome, and not know you had lived it. Im not a psychologist, so I cant get into the science, but I will say that now Ive made The Keepers, I cannot tell you how many people in my life have come forward with the same stories.

Wehner, he says, is a prime example of that. She was the first person ever to come forward publicly with an allegation against Father Maskell and shes been corroborated by dozens, if not hundreds. People can prove that it happened to them, and they are telling us that there were certain parts of their lives where they werent aware of it.

White spent three years making The Keepers, and it took over his life. He assumed naively, he says now that once the series was out there, that would be an end to it. I guess I kind of fooled myself into thinking the day it was released was the day Id be able to look up and see the world again, he laughs, wryly. Instead, it got more personal when it came out, and it got even more nauseating. I was unprepared for the type of personal reaction that people would have to it. His email inbox regularly fills with people asking him to investigate their own stories of abuse, or asking him to put them in touch with Wehner. Eventually, the production team sought professional help from NGOs and non-profit organisations specialising in working with survivors. I know that I cant be that for all of these strangers out there in the world, he says, so its about getting them the resources they need as soon as possible.

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The accused … Baltimore priest Joseph Maskell. Photograph: Netflix

The Keepers is harrowing, documenting awful violence and abuse. I recently heard someone describe it as brilliant, and follow that immediately with dont watch it. White was well aware of its potential impact. We knew we had found something very sad, but also very powerful, that could lead to a lot of change, he says. The sheer scope of the story The Keepers ends up telling a cover-up of child abuse on a mass scale within the Catholic church; a new Spotlight, of sorts became frightening to him.

Ill say it, I was afraid, says White. I was afraid many times during filming. I was probably afraid through the entire filming. You always had the sense that we were rooting around in something people didnt want us rooting around in. It was definitely the most uncomfortable Ive been in my film-making career.

White says, though, that its important to realise the experience was not all doom and gloom. Jean is probably one of the most fun people Ive ever met in my life, he says. She and I can drink wine all day long. Indeed, one of the series most memorable scenes is also one of its few instances of humour. When Wehner is told that the church had known about earlier abuse allegations against Father Maskell, she half-laughs, and finally yells: Those fuckers!

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Question time … the Keepers director Ryan White with survivor Jean Wehner. Photograph: Noam Galai/Getty

Its an incredible moment of catharsis. It was one of the few moments where anger overcame Jean, and she was willing to show it, says White. She and I keep laughing so hard, because that clip has gone viral. I was like: Jean, who would have thought you dropping the F-bomb would be all over the internet? Because shes a grandma, you know? Thats not Jean. Thats whats been done to her. Thats what all of this horrible trauma has caused.

Although the initial premise of The Keepers appears to be Who killed Sister Cathy?, its really Wehners story, and it ends when it does, with no solid conclusions, says White, because Wehner felt as if she had said all she could say at this time. We dont have that neat, The Jinx-style ending [in which the suspected murderer is caught on-mic apparently confessing to his crimes] where somebody confesses they killed Sister Cathy, but it felt like Jeans journey was wrapping up, so we said: Lets release this to the world, and see how the world reacts, even though there arent neat endings to the true-crime part.

The world has certainly reacted. One consequence of true-crime dramas such as Serial and Making a Murderer is that they tend to turn their army of viewers and listeners into amateur sleuths. Is it ethical to place real crimes in the hands of an audience? White has not had time to really fall into the Reddit rabbit hole yet, he says, and understands that its a tricky area. The way I really justify it is that The Keepers is a story about women being silenced, right? he says. All of the women Ive worked with, all of the survivors that I became so close with, over the last three years, are proud of the product. They feel its finally giving them a voice. Those are the people who matter the most. If there are other people being held to a flame in some way because of their failures, thats what accountability is.

He sounds truly astonished that it has taken this long. Maskell died a free man under the care of the archdiocese [in 2001]. If people have to finally answer the tough questions, or the institutions in power have the public questioning them at this point, then Im learning to be comfortable with the fact that thats what should have happened long ago.

The response of the archdiocese of Baltimore has been surprising, to say the least. People in churches and schools in Baltimore started sending us literature that the archdiocese was sending out, on how to tell people what we got wrong. The documentary wasnt even out. I just found it incredibly disappointing. The @archbalt account retweeted a message that called the series fiction, a spokesperson subsequently admitting that this was bad judgment. Theyre trying to re-message. Theyve lost. Its too late now, says White. All I know is that Ive dealt with between 35 and 40 survivors and theyve all been sickened at the archdioceses responses. Ive spent way too much time on phone calls with people I worked with in tears, because this institution continues to torture them, and I dont understand why.

What makes this all the more disappointing for White is that he was raised in the church and his own experience was positive. I wasnt a practising Catholic, I had wandered away from the church in my 20s but still had fondness for it. And now? I wont be a part of that church again. My faith has been shattered. Does he think the cover-up goes all the way to the top? The only responses weve seen to our documentary are from the archdiocese of Baltimore. What is the Vatican response? I dont know how high it goes, I wont even speculate on that, but I would like to hear from the Catholic church that reigns over the archdiocese of Baltimore, why they havent made a response to it. Incidentally, shortly after I spoke with White, the popes chief financial adviser, Cardinal George Pell, announced that he would take a leave of absence following multiple accusations of historical sex crimes.

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The victim … Sister Cathy Cesnik with her father, Joseph. Photograph: Netflix

As for the murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik, White says he has his own theory about who did it, and believes Maskell was certainly involved. Since the documentary came out, Maskells body has been exhumed to allow DNA testing on evidence found at the murder scene. There was no match. White says nobody really believed they would find evidence of Maskells presence at the murder scene, but it does show that the police are taking it seriously, and spending time and money on trying to crack the case. So, are we any closer to knowing who killed Sister Cathy?

What The Keepers has done is blown the lid off of Baltimore, really shaken the branches of information, and I think people are seeing things, remembering things that they didnt even know played a role in this, says White. So, I think we are closer. Whether that means we ever solve it and someone goes to jail, I cant guarantee that. But the amount of information and progress weve seen just in the weeks since it came out, says to me that this cold case can still be solved.

The Keepers is available now on Netflix

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